Operating On Myself: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 9:50am

As I have mentioned before, all surgeons think they are the best. Of course when we ourselves need surgery, there is a bit of a dilemma deciding who is the best qualified to carry out the procedure. So when I realized there was a strange looking skin lesion in my right inner thigh, I decided only the best would do to operate me.

In my rooms I informed the sister I would be carrying out a minor procedure. She immediately prepared everything as she had done for me many times before. Only once everything was ready did she look around suspiciously at the empty waiting room and ask where the patient was. I informed her I would be performing the procedure on myself. She was very nearly successful in suppressing a laugh.

Because the patient was a bit shy, and because of the precarious positioning of the lesion, I asked the sister to rather not be in the procedure room during the procedure but to wait outside, at least within earshot, just in case the surgeon ran into trouble.

Quite soon I had positioned myself in a sitting position, pants on the floor next to me and procedure trolley within easy reach. I carefully covered my important bits, just in case I would be required to call out for help, and got started.

Despite my severe needle phobia, the localizing of the area went well and I did not pass out, which I definitely viewed as a good thing. The only problem I had was that my left hand found it necessary to hold my block and tackle out of the operation area and this essentially left me with only my right hand free to do the operation. Fortunately I am that good that I could still remove the lesion with only one hand. Unfortunately, as I was soon to discover, I am not that good that I can tie surgical knots with only one hand.

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