Top 10 Ways To Annoy Your Doctor
Top 10 lists are back!
I forgot about this kind of post, and a reminder by a reader is bringing them back. They are really a fun and easy kind of post to write, so you may see a fair number of them (read: Rob is getting lazy). I thought I’d start back with some suggestions for disgruntled patients (or gruntled ones, for that matter) to make their doctor’s day much worse.
1. Require the doctor to keep things secret from your child or your elderly parent. Insist that they can’t know about their cancer, depression, ADD, or foot fungus. Call the medication the doctor prescribes “vitamins.” Alternatively, you can threaten your child by saying that if they don’t behave better, the doctor will give them a shot.
2. Disguise the real reason for your visit with something simple. For example, if you have depression or chest pain, set up an appointment for a sore throat. Make sure you leave all of the office staff in the dark as long as possible. It’s a bonus if you end the office visit asking them to check your hemorrhoids or help with a certain discharge you have been having.
3. Call your children nicknames that have nothing to do with their real names. Let’s say you have a son named “James Wadkins Smith”; you should call them “Trent” or “Flippy.” A daughter named “Anna Rose Jones” can go by “Jenny” or “Eva Marie.” You get extra points if you change what you call them every few months.